With the Cousins RV Park's 1st annual golf outing just around the corner, many of us have been forced to actually see if we could still even swing a club. The mechanics of swinging a club do seem simple enough. Just watch the guys on TV each weekend. Effortless balance of man and club ... the ball climbing into the sky and gently landing like a feather some 300 yards down the fairway. Arms and torso twisting in complete harmony with powerful legs driving the entire process.
This first hurdle some of us are facing is ... can I even find my clubs? I looked around the basement and garage and found a few 'woods' but couldn't locate my irons. A light bulb went off and I remembered I had given them to my son, Steve. Since I hadn't been playing for the past 10 years or so, why not let him use them as he plays quite a bit. A phone call quickly confirmed what had happened to them. Steve said he had, in turn, given the clubs to one of his friends. So now what do I do?
A quick trip to several of the local golf shops on the east side of the state confirmed that I couldn't buy just a couple of irons but had to buy an entire set. Ugh! I really didn't want to spend the money for just one golf outing so I now started to wonder if I could play a round with only a 3 wood and a putter? Driving out of town on our way to South Haven, I stumbled upon a store that sold used sporting goods. Eureka! I walked in and found matched set of Arnold Palmer Irons. Throw in two dozen balls (hope that will be enough) and $61 dollars later I was ready for play.
Having the clubs is one thing ... hitting a ball with them after a 10 year hiatus ... is another. Once I got back to South Haven I sought out a driving range to hone my rusty skills. What? No driving ranges? Now what? Checking with some of my neighbors I soon learned that one of the local courses has a driving range so I grabbed my new sticks and headed out.
The guy behind the counter said that will be $12 bucks when I asked to hit a few balls. $12 bucks! I didn't want to play 18 holes but just hit a few balls. My what 10 years out the golf loop has done to prices. So I coughed up the $12 and was handed a large bucket of balls and he said take any of the gas carts out to range. This sort of made me feel better that at least I got a cart to ride but really ... $12 for a bucket of balls!
Anyway I strategically picked a spot on the range whereas no one could see me and began a little warm-up. Ouch!. Where did those muscles come from? I'm sure I could feel things tearing and ripping in my back, arms and legs. Oh, and did I mention my neck? After about a dozen swings I had had enough. But since I still had 3/4 of the balls left, and it did cost me $12, I must press on. The more I tried the worse my swing got. "Get back to basics" I kept telling myself. But since I couldn't remember what the basics were, I was really screwed. So the physical pain continued. The mental pain actually got worse. A couple of guys showed up to hit a few balls and guess what? They picked a spot right behind me. Now they could see all my golfing skills, up close and personal. So now I think I have an audience and whatever skills I used to have, have left me forever. I am now once again ... a true hacker. And I had to pay $12 bucks to uncover this uncomfortable truth.
Finally the bucket was empty. Pain was shooting throughout my body like little lightening bolts. It was even painful driving the cart back to the clubhouse. I'm doomed. Another one of life's great embarrassments will occur next Friday when I step on the first tee.
My only consolation is that I won't be alone.
Still livin' the dream and continuing to overdose on ibuprophen.
Phil
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